at the precipice of Truth
by Gimli McGuyver
Summary: An empty life soon to be filled. my name is Trigger, this is my story  Reviews would be most helpful
1. prologue

I was never really good at long goodbyes, but I suppose it's a start…

There are some things which I still don't understand, like how one life can be snuffed out in an instant. When she died… I went a bit…. Off the deep end? Nobody could really help me after that. I was so angry, but that was only one part of the equation. the other parts were my spiralling depression, and suicidal tendancies. I have tried everything to end the nightmare that was my existance. It was at that final moment, I heard a voice, a voice so clear and so faint, the sound of singing. as I sat there screaming in the middle of nowhere, I finally had come to terms with an empty life. My mind was singing.

_hey old man, rest you're head_

_you're breaking down inside,_

_Armours cracked, set to collapse_

_Damn you don't you cry_

The silent screams in my head were getting worse. My time was running out..

Somewhere, all my darkest fears are gathering. I cant escape my nightmares.

My dreams have shown me what I am, a danger to myself…

And to those around me…

I stood at the edge of a cliff.

I leaned forward.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: rebirth

I suppose you could say I was pretty lucky; I survived a fall from the cliffs of Dover.

But the biggest question is… how?

Simple, it was a dimensional rift.

If you believe in the string theory then a dimensional rift is, well let me explain string theory first. Ok when scientists tried to find the exact position of an electron they found out that they couldn't do it. It was impossible. They theorized that all matter resonated off of "strings" like how sound resonates from a guitar string. Then a rift would be a rip in the strings that matter resonates out of one side but not the other. In other words a place that sucks in matter to another world.

So basically, I fell through a little hole in space-time.

But something else happened that day, the day I landed on the ground.

I was fading in and out of consciousness. Seeing flashes of, bizarrely, rainbows streaking across the sky. There was something oddly familiar about it.

I heard a timid voice next to me. "Oh, I do hope he's alright"

Gingerly, I got up to my feet… and ran a hoof through my mane.

Blood trickling down over my muzzle. "Well, that's going to be sore in the morning"

I muttered, before collapsing once more.

I felt myself being lifted up at some point. I was place onto a big red horse's back.

"Hey, Big Mac, you okay with carrying him on yer back like that?" a voice with a southern twang in her accent spoke with an air of worry.

Big Mac simply nodded "eeeyup" he uttered nonchalantly.

The trio arrived at a Hospice.

The rain had begun, as if right on cue.

I had regained consciousness.

"Its okay," the trio looked at me for a moment. "I think….i think I can just about manage now" I stepped down, and stopped for a moment, and propped myself against the wall near the entrance.

I grinned sheepishly at them, and then looked up at that flash of rainbow.

"Sorry about that, Guys, I must have missed one" the cyan Pegasus hollered.

I walked through the doors, and sat down, soaking wet with rain and blood.

"Hello? Sir? What happened?" a nurse asked, I was a tad concussed to formulate a proper sentence to explain everything. A simple "fell… tree... Landed… have concussion… mild abrasions to head" seemed to suffice.

She looked at me like a cow looking at an on-coming train.

"That's a good sign then, self-diagnosis,"

She smiled. I grinned back, and then the grin was gone replaced by a frown, laden with hints of worry and undertones of fear.

"I don't suppose you know where there's a place for me to stay do you?"

She shook her head.

Cursing under my breath, I walked out.

The blond pony took one look at me, looked at Big Mac, who nodded peacefully.

And then she asked me the dreaded question.

"Now then, what's yer name?"

I started to think. Then it occurred to me.

"Call me Trigger Cocktail, I prefer Trigger though"

"Well then Trigger, you need a place to stay, am ah right? Well, we could always use an extra hoof around the farm, my names Applejack"

Fluttershy smiled, brighter than a thousand suns "oh you'll love it there, lots of space and Apples and apples…."

I looked at the blond pony for a moment.

"Did she just say apples twice?" I asked.

"Eeeyup" Big Mac grinned

"Yup, that's Apple farm and yer looking at two members of the Apple family" Applejack said with an air of pride.

"Thank you Applejack, I wont be too much of a hassle, I promise" I hugged her. Though I really didn't know why, just felt natural. "But just one question, where the hell am I?"

"You mean you don't know? Yer in Ponyville o'course!" Applejack beamed.

That's when a flash of pink sped past, stopped, looked at me, gasped with joy, and sped off again.

"Is…that normal?" I asked worried for my own well-being, Applejack let out a little giggle, "don't worry, that's Pinkie Pie just being… Pinkie Pie, anyhooves, lets get you to twilight's; maybe she can shed some light on this"

Suddenly I felt a little bit awkward. "I feel naked," the trio of ponies turned to me in confusion. "Don't worry, I'll get used to it".

Now, Ponyville was a quaint little place to be, no rush hour traffic, no pony complaining. But that's just it, I was using their words. As we trotted along to the library I stated the obvious "she lives in the library? Intriguing"

The last word stopped 'Jack in her tracks "in-what now?"

"Big word, means interesting," I replied "shall we carry on"

We got to the door and knocked. "She must be out" fluttershy said softly

"Let me try" so I presumed to take a leaf out of a certain theory and knocked on the door 3 times "Twilight," another three times "Twilight" the final three times "Twi-"

"Hello? Oh hey guys how.. Who's this?" She asked.

"Sugahcube, this is Trigger" applejack grinned

"Pleased to meet you" Twilight said with a smile.

"Likewise, do you have a mirror? I need to check something" I said, looking a little worried. "Ah sure, here you go" I took one look and it was exactly what I thought.

My face was mangled into an expression of both fear, and elation.

There was a lot to take in, such as the orange mane and tail… and a horn protruding from my head.

"Trig, is everything alright?" Big Mac asked, I looked at him for a moment, grinned sheepishly. "I'll be fine, just another thing to get used to"

Questions were floating around in my head. Suddenly the rainbow streak burst through the door, beaming away "hey guys! Look what I found! Isn't it awesome?"

"DUDE! YOU FOUND MY GUITAR!" I shouted at the top of my voice, bouncing up and down with joy. She looked at me "your guitar? You play?"

She asked, handing it over. "Prove it" Applejack said, I looked at her for a moment, "this'll be a bit tricky however watch this" I strummed for a moment, placed my left hoof over the fret board, remembering I could use unicorn magic.

Using the magic I applied a little bit of air pressure to the frets of the guitar, I then played a little bit of flamenco style music to the amazement of 5 ponies. An image then flashed up on my ass… err... flank. "Dude I think I just got…what was it again…a cutie mark?"

"Judging by the way you played that and your accent; you're not from around here are you?" twilight acquisitioned

"How could you tell," I chuckled, "I'm British so in a sense, I come from Trotting-ham"

Applejack Chimed in "that explains the accent but that don't explain how yer playin that there guitar so good"

"Just had one too many days with nothing to do I guess" i mumbled with a shy grin.

Rarity popped her head inside the library "twilight, what was that cacophony of sound?" I waved at her.

"Errrr….hi" I smiled

"Rarity, this is Trigger, he's from Trotting-ham" Twilight chimed with a grin

"To be perfectly honest, that song still needs a bit of work" I remarked. Fluttershy and Big Mac shook off their amazement, Applejack took one look at Fluttershy who was red as a beet. I noticed this too "Sorry Fluttershy, did my playing do that?"

She suddenly disappeared. "Is she okay?" I asked somepony "She'll be fine sugar-cube; she just needs some fresh air, anyways, what brings you to ponyville?"

I looked down to the floor, trying to think of something "I don't know," was the only answer I could give. "But I think after that fall, I need a bit of sleep"

"say no more sugar-cube, lets go to the farm" Applejack smiled.


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Weeping Guitar

When we arrived 'Jack had explained everything to her family.

"…he's even agreed to help around the farm till he finds his own place"

I nodded in agreement with that statement. The guitar was resting on my back.

"Ah spose I should show you to yer room trig," she yawned, "it's an early start tomorrow" she finished.

"Forgive me if I don't wake up" I chuckled.

As soon as my head hit the pillow, memories started to seep in.

But I didn't want those memories to resurface.

I left the house and just sat in the field with my guitar.

The moon was full that night, bright stars as far as I could see.

It was a beautiful sight to behold. But there was still something missing.

I sat there playing a mournful melody, which was familiar to me but not to anypony else. A few teardrops hit the ground as I played. Little did I know, I was being watched. I felt the urge to sing, so I did, and as cheesy as it was, my singing wasn't that perfect.

_Fly me to the moon_

I heard the rustling of leaves

_And let me sing among those stars_

_Let me see what spring is like on_

I felt a cool breeze in the air

_Jupiter and mars_

Hoof-steps were coming close to me

_In other words, hold my hoof_

_In other words…_

I stopped playing, because she was standing right in front of me.

"Please, do not stop on my account" the dark pony spoke with a regal tone

"o-of course but ah… I forgot the rest" I chuckled a little bit before frowning and cursing at myself. "What is wrong my little pony?"

"Just some old memories which need burying" I spoke while plucking my guitar strings to the tune of the Beatles 'yesterday' she looked at me for a moment.

"Well why not send me a letter, every so often… I gather you're not a member of the Apple family, by the music cutie mark you have" I looked up to her, found myself lost in her eyes… and I could tell. "So you've been alone too? It's not easy is it? Coping with people again I mean" she looked at me with a smile

"it looks as though we both have lots to learn, Trigger Cocktail"

I blinked, twice "you know me?"

"In name and Music only, I wish to be your friend" she looked down to her hooves,

"Princess Luna? Hello yer Highness" the shrill southern voice shouted with glee

the princess looked worried, "its okay Princess, you didn't have to ask, as far as I'm concerned you already are a friend"

I was suddenly dragged into a hug by the princess; the Apple bucking genius was shocked. Shocked that the princess hugged me, and shocked that I could get her to open up that quickly.

It was nearing 3am. "I enjoyed are little talk," Luna said with a smile "hopefully you'll find what your looking for, goodbye" she flew off to lower the moon.

Applejack looked at me for a moment "Applejack, I think, I think I know why I'm here,"

"Really sugarcube? Just from that conversation with Princess Luna?"

"Yep, I'm simply here to help people, but… but the only thing I can really do is entertain…" the strings on the guitar snapped under too much magic pressure

"FUCK!"

Applejack bopped me one over the head "language Trig"

I apologized and shed a tear "I think its safe to say that I need new strings"


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: inspiring accidents

After what seemed to be a few hours of sleep, I was awoken by three fillies shouting at the top of their voices "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS MUSICIANS! YAY"

They knocked on the door, little do they know, I jumped out of the window.

I landed in a bale of hay, lucky me.

My guitar was still up there, not so lucky.

"He's not in here" one voice said

"Awwhh dayng it" another younger southern accent sounded off.

"Hey, Sweetie bell, Applebloom, he's going into town, lets catch him" the last filly spoke with such attitude.

They took off to track me down, the little buggers. I ran as fast as I could, and found myself hiding in Rarity's shop.

"Ah, Trigger, what a pleasant surprise" she said with a smile. Before she could say anything else, "no time to talk, HIDE ME!" I cowered behind her.

The CMC ran past the boutique. "Safe again" I relaxed.

"Actually, while im here could you make something for me? I know you'd expect some form of payment, but-"

"Say no more, Trigger, you can just pay me with a song"

I deadpanned "seriously?"

She smiled "yes, seriously"

I asked her to make me a coat in a similar style to a great coat In a red color.

She grinned, "this should be easy, let me just take a few measurements" after what seemed like 3 hours, she walked out, "here you go, that'll be one song please" she giggled, she saw the glint in my eye. "'Spose I'll just sing for you, no guitar strings heh"

"There's a piano there in the corner you know?" she pointed out.

"Wow, never thought I'd use one of these again"

I sat at the piano with my hooves poised and ready, the sounds of smooth jazz started to float in my ears, pressing down on each of the keys; I felt a tingle of nostalgia.

"My dear, what's wrong?" she placed her hoof on my shoulder, little did I know it, but I was crying. "It's nothing Rarity, just some old memories resurfacing from when I was…its nothing" I continued playing.

"I did say I would sing"

Suddenly as if on cue a colt walked in, he was a strange colt, "hello doctor" Rarity said with a smile, the doctor looked at me for a moment, "he's not from around here is he?"

"nope, but I have something for the both of you" I said happily, unbeknownst to the time-colt which as everyone knows, is obviously not from equestrian either

I started to play a little ditty in my head and sprung to life.

"this ones called regenerate me" the Doctor glared at my song choice

I started to play the familiar song.

…_you will know me, by the big blue box_

_but you will never know my face_

1during the course of the song, the doctor had been exchanging looks of both shock, glee and confusion.

_Regenerate me_

_Exterminate me_

_Regenerate me_

The song had ended, "well, that was… strange to say the least, I'll see you later then… Trigger was it?"

"Yes it was, goodbye doctor" I replied

Rarity out of the blue kissed me on the cheek.

"Rarity," she looked at me, she could see that it bothered me to be put on the spot like that "its okay Trigger, you just need time, here take it" she smiled, I put the coat on

"By the gods!," I shouted, "This is absolutely divine!" I confused everypony.

"You like it?" she asked

"Like it? Its perfect, thank you" with that last thank you, I took off. The great coat was billowing in the wind. "Hey!" I heard a shout, turned round to see a little dragon,

A little angry dragon "Spike? nice to meet ya, im"

"Trigger Cocktail, I know, you're also a musician" he glared at me.

"I sense you don't like me that much after Rarity just kissed me on the cheek, not that I'm complaining, but dude, lighten up, I already know you have a little crush on her, and I won't get in your way" his facial expressions where all over the place, he didn't know what to think. "Trigger…" he looked to me

"And besides, I'm not good enough for her" I patted him on the head, and got distracted.

"Ooo Music shop, must find guitar strings" I walked in.

"Okay, what the hay just happened, there I was just about to chew him out and he does that, I am really confused" spike muttered to himself as he walked off.

I fumbled around looking through each section of the shop, "can I help you sir?" came a voice from behind the counter. I looked her up and down, smiled when I noticed the C-mark "another musical pony, just who I needed" I beamed "again, can I help you sir?" the mare repeated herself. So much for good customer relations.

"Yes, im looking for some Nylon acoustic guitar strings" I stated.

She looked at me, like a cow looks at an oncoming train.

I deadpanned, "I'll be back" I walked out of the store, head hung low.

Suddenly a grey flash of awkwardness shot past into a tree.

"You aright? Sheesh, that looked like it hurt… a lot" I helped her up, she opened her eyes, "hi I'm the mail mare, I've been looking for you… you are Trigger Cocktail? Aren't you?" I nodded

"My dear, I couldn't help noticing you have an eye defect, are you sure you should be flying?" I asked her, worried for her health, but my question was met with a flow of tears. "oh, I'm … ah… fuck… Trigger Cocktail, you've really done it now,"

I looked at the crying pony, and just hugged her "I'm… I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything, I do something right and then do something stupid," she looked at me for a moment "no, no its okay, you were just worried, but its nice to know someone cares, my names Ditzy Doo, please to make your acquaintance, here's your letter"

With that she sped off.

I smiled to myself, she was pretty awkward, but she seemed to be fine from that little collision with a tree.

I carried on walking, and was lost in my thoughts for quite a while.

I realized that prior to my current existence as a pony, my existence as a human was … unfulfilled. I guess I must have been a loner, attempting to surround myself is difficult when nearly everything you do is judged by others. I felt a little bit pissed off. I finally reached where I was going, it was the farm.

"Ah see you met the mail-mare, Trigger" Applejack giggled

"How could you tell" I asked, while raising an eyebrow at the giggling heap of orange and yellow.

"You have a muffin on yer back"


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"You have a muffin on yer back"

Floating the muffin which Ditzy had left off my back, I took a bite and opened my letter

_Meet inside barn at __7:30pm_

_~P.P~_

I re-read the letter, P.P? Pinkie Pie. Applejack looked at me with a worried smile "so you've got a part in this, but I won't say a word" I chuckled. AJ had to pick up her jaw from the floor, before she could formulate any phrase I simply smiled.

"Don't worry, I'll be there" I smiled, I watched the orange pony sigh with relief.

"That's mighty decent of ya Trigger," she laughed "save me from dragging you there personally" she continued.

Walking back upstairs I noticed a small rabbit out of the corner of my eye, it didn't look too happy. From downstairs I could hear AJ and Fluttershy have a little chat about her rabbits. "Hey little guy, is fluttershy looking for you? Hop onto my back and I'll take you downstairs"

I watched as it suddenly mimed its predicament, not knowing that was complaining about me. In the end, the little bugger jumped on my back. Using my magic, I had floated my guitar down the stairs, placing it next to the front door.

"..Ooh thank you Trigger," the shy little yellow pony then apologized to me and AJ

"Fluttershy, you don't have to apologize, least of all to me," I smiled as she picked up the rabbit "oh..Oh, okay then" she smiled. Hiding under her mane was the telltale sign of a blush. She then turned around and gave the rabbit a stern look.

As she left for home, AJ started to giggle a little bit. "Jeez Sugarcube, you've gone as red as big Mac" she stifled, and then started to laugh at my reaction.

"But… who, what…. Oh…Crap" grabbing my guitar, I ran off. AJ watched me as I ran, noting the trail of tears I had left "that pony must have some serious problems"

Finally worn out, I had come to a lake. I sat down, and just watched the world go by.

"Why is this bothering me so much, Fluttershy is probably the first pony I've properly noticed in that way, I could say I've fallen for her… but the memories kept popping up" the memories in question are from when I was human. But all in due time.

Noticing the music shop was still open, I walked in. laid my guitar on the counter.

"I need some strings for this" the mare behind the counter looked at the guitar, disappeared for a moment, came back with a packet of strings. "That'll be 5 bits please"

I deadpanned.

"Do-whaa? 5 bits? Bollocks" I reached into one of the many pockets on my coat, pulled out the money. "Here ya go, 5 bits" after handing the money over, I tore open the packet and quickly restrung the guitar. Walking back to the farm, I bumped into the doctor "ah hello Trigger, I think you and I need to talk" he said with an undertone of anger

"Doctor, I know about you, the weary time-traveler," he jumped a little bit, I could see the fear in his eyes "but," I sighed "unlike you, im here to stay" I extended a hoof

"I know you didn't particularly like that song I played in rarity's boutique so shall we just forget about that?" he nodded in agreement, and walked off, just as confused as I was.

As I walked back to the farm, I suddenly felt a set of teeth clamp down on my tail.

"I'm late, aren't I" I said nonchalantly. A muffled yup came as the reply.

As we tumbled into the barn an eruption of sound was blasted out "surprise!" came from an exceedingly bouncy Pinkie Pie. I could smell apple cider in the air, and various other alcoholic concoctions.

"Dude, you gotta try this" rainbow dash shouted over the music, then handed me a drink. I took a swig, realizing it was pretty damn good cider, I downed it. "Yo dash!, who's behind the bar?" I asked

I jumped over various ponies that were there for a good time, finally getting to the bar, I could see fluttershy just sitting at a table "hey Fluttershy" I mouthed at her; she blushed again, but stayed put. I could see she had a drink in front of her.

I excused the bar-pony, and then shouted "AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT" the music suddenly changed into a different beat

"Dude, check this out" I grinned. Pulling out some bottles, the ponies watched as I mixed a cocktail seemingly out of nothing. Most ponies who tried it loved it, it was even enough to stop pinkie pie bouncing. "This is really good, Trigger" Pinkie pie beamed "thanks I guess"

After a few hours, the guests all started to leave, some were drunker than others.

Soon it was just the 6 of us. I made up a few more drinks as we talked more.

"Whoa, pinkie pie must have over done it again" Twilight giggled.

"It does seem that way doesn't it" Rarity nodded

"Does she usually get like this after a party?" I asked, worried about the pink mares health.

"Don't worry dude, she'll be fine tomorrow but she'll have one hay of a hangover" rainbow dash concluded, we all laughed.

"Hey, who's up for a Helldorado?" I asked. Watching three ponies shaking there heads,

"so, that's a no from AJ, rainbow dash, and Rarity, right, no Helldorado then, doubt we could anyways, no pineapple rum"

The three neigh-Sayers left, AJ went to bed because she had 'a shed load of applebuckin' to do in the morning, and rarity want her own bed.

Dash had weather control to sort out. In the end it was me, twilight and Fluttershy… and a bottle of whiskey. "So, Trigger, where did you learn how to make those cocktails?" Twilight asked, just tipsy

enough to keep her balance "it's just another thing I can do I suppose" I smiled. Fluttershy was looking at me, blushing.

"I better get going," twilight stood up, and nearly toppled over.

"Not in that state" I muttered, I got up to help her,

"oh I better get home too, Angle will be pretty mad at me if I don't"

We started to giggle "wh-what?" She asked turning a deeper shade of red.

"You said angle instead of angel" I tittered, pulling her into a hug. We walked twilight home.

Me with a guitar on my back, a bottle of whiskey in one of the pockets, and a huge goofy drunken

grin plastered on my face "here we are twilight" I grinned, luckily spike left earlier for some sleep.

She walked in uttering the words "see, later, me sleep, hangover, bitch", I was stifling a laugh during. I suddenly realized I was left with Fluttershy.

I looked at her for moment while she walked beside me.

Suddenly I realized I why I liked the night. The peace and quiet.

"Hey, fluttershy?"

She squeaked, stopped dead in her tracks. "Yes trigger?"

"Do you…ah…." I started to speak softly, going red in the face.

A song started to play in my head, as I fumbled my words.

"I think too much" I told her, even redder in the face. She looked at me.

As we walked along the cobbled stone path, the moonlight beamed down through the trees. A cool breeze

drifted autumn leaves through the air. Fluttershy listened as I hummed the song. We arrived at her house after

what seemed to be a 20 minute walk.

I looked at her with a smile, the thought of me and her _together_ ran through my head,

but I shook it off. Not that it wasn't a nice idea of having a relationship with somepony, but everything prior to my arrival has stopped me.

My memories were basically the bane of my life.

"Thank you, for walking me home" she said with a yawn.

"No problem, I better get going back to the farm, lots of…." Before I could finish, she kissed me on the cheek

"you can stay here for the night if you want" she said with a smile. I attempted to protest, continuously fumbling my words.

In the end she sat me down on her sofa, threw a blanket and pillow at me. "You're staying"

I couldn't argue…

The sofa was too comfy.

* * *

><p>Hallo readers, its me, Gimli!<p>

Just here to say thanks for reviewing (if you have) and im also asking for another muffin!

Gave the last one to ditzy doo

Does not own MLP: FIM


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Re-Surface

During my sleep (if you could call it that) my memories resurfaced.

Memories which served better use as a warning to others.

Memories which brought pain, anguish and loneliness whenever they appeared

Memories which ought to stay dead and buried.

More specifically the memory which caused my shoddy suicide attempt.

It was early September, having finally found that perfect job, I applied… I wasn't hired. My rent was overdue… really overdue. My things had been repossessed, and all I had left was my guitar. Living out on the streets, barely sleeping due to the inexplicable fear of being lynched or worse, I became a street musician. But the world had too many. The city had too many. But I wasn't really bothered by it.

What bothered me were the people. The people who would live their day to day lives not knowing how lucky they were. Sure on the increasingly rare occasion some kind soul would throw a penny at me in the hopes that I might play something a bit more upbeat, their hopes would be shot down because passersby would occasionally spit on me and blatantly be disrespectful. Sometimes I would end up in an alleyway trying so hard to curl up into a ball to try and sleep. But the sleep I got was a restless one. I took it upon myself to leave the city, walking for over two hundred miles with a crudely written sign on the back of the guitar simply stating "Dover" some people gave me weird looks, some pulled over to ask 'why Dover?' in the end I finally reached my destination. My feet were bleeding; I was too tired to care. I was with out a shadow of a doubt in more psychological pain that physical.

I remember my 'death' very well. What began as a simple pilgrimage to a new location turned into a very sad time, I pulled out a locket from a pocket. The only other thing personal to me, which had high sentimental value. I opened it up to look inside. A photo of her. She was smiling.

She was always smiling.

* * *

><p>I awoke from my slumber to the smell of freshly made pancakes. Fluttershy sat down next to me with a flump. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes to take in the new sights of pancakes, flowers and lots of green furniture. I watched as she daintily took a bite out of hers. "How's your head?" I asked her, watching as she squeaked once again. She swallowed her piece of pancake "I'm…a little bit hung-over" she blushed, but then her facial expression changed when she looked me in the eyes. "You….you've been…" before she could finish, I just bowed my head and close my eyes.<p>

"Yes, I've been crying, although I just didn't know it" she placed a hoof on my shoulder "do you…want to talk about it?" she asked with a motherly sort of tone in her voice. It wasn't any wonder why she was so good with animals. "I'd rather not, not until I've re-lived everything anyways," she looked at me with an air of worry and confusion. "And besides, I wouldn't want to see you in the state I'm in" I smiled, knowing it would re-assure her that I was a perfectly healthy stallion... Although not in the psychological department. I took a bite out of a pancake and my face lit up "these pancakes are lovely, Fluttershy" I looked at her clock. What was once a smile quickly turned into a grimace.

"Applejack is going to kill me isn't she"

* * *

><p>Hello again readers<p>

To clear up any confusion, this is not a self insert fic, this is simply a story written in a 1st person perspective.

I have been having a little problem recently…

It's affecting my mental state atrociously…

If this fic as offended in anyway, then don't review it.

Had a really really horrible personal attack on here and I believe its still there to read in the reviews.


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: John Mclane syndrome

After a heavy morning of apple-bucking and heavy lifting, I hadn't the strength in my legs to stand without wobbling. The rainbow blur zoomed in from a distance.

The smell of brimstone filled the air. It was at that point I noticed it.

Not sure what I thought at that point. It was either 'oh my god we're all going to die' or something which shouldn't really be repeated. The dragon let out a roar of fire.

While others ran, I stood ground.

"Rainbow, you didn't…" applejack looked at her menacingly as they ran.

Amongst the cacophony of screams and roars I could hear RD panicking, repeating the word sorry over and over again. The dragon looked at me for a moment. I simply smiled at it "you, little pony, move" it ordered. I stayed put.

"Move, now" it demanded.

"No" I spat out. It roared at me, the sheer force of the roar sending my mane flying all over the place. I smacked it on the nose, the smile faded form my face to reveal a look of controlled rage "now you listen to me sunshine," I said with a growl, "you think you can just waltz on down here, chase after my friends, give the ponies of ponyville the fright of their lives and then demand I move out of your way?" the dragon nodded his head. "You thought wrong, think yourself lucky that im in a good mood"

The dragon had the audacity to laugh in my face "little pony, you think you can stop "me?" just then, Fluttershy had spotted the dragon, and used her stare.

The dragon flicked her with its tail.

Big mistake. The control had gone.

I lashed out at the dragon, catching it straight in the left eye, bloodying its nose, ripping quite a few scales off. "Trigger, stop" it was Fluttershy calling out to me. I suddenly looked at my hooves which were currently stained with dragon blood.

I took one look at the dragon. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" I said apologetically, tears running down my cheeks. Fluttershy watched as I ran to the evertree forest.

Finally arriving in the middle of the forest, I took to just collapsing there and then in a heap of anger.

I was angry at myself for not holding back. But the bastard hurt my friends. I heard a quiet voice humming a tune. I heard the hoof steps draw closer and closer "oh my, did you get into a fight, come now your good friend Zecora will make it alright" the Zebra helped me up, and took me to her hut. Conveniently it was only a 5 minute walk. That's when the pain settled in. I didn't realize this at first but the dragon had fought back, leaving me with more cuts and bruises than an MMA fighter at the finals. Hearing a knock at the door, Zecora rushed to answer. "Don't move or it will get worse, after all, a gift can also be a curse" she looked at me and noted my reaction. My eyes widened because if she knew what I once was, she had an uncertain advantage. A frantic pink maned pony was rambling about how I just saved Ponyville from a dragon attack, nearly blinding the dragon in the process "…and then he just took of in this direc…" she trailed of as she saw me lying there on the bed. "Fluttershy," I said weakly "I didn't want you to find me, not after…" I looked down; the claw marks on my body were enough to bring her to tears. "No it's okay, you did what you had to do" I noticed her wings were in a brace. She trotted towards me.

Her eyes were red, tears forming in her eyes. "I just hate it when I get like that" I said softly to her "I'm sorry if I scared you more than the dragon did" I joked a bit to make light of the situation. "Its fine…" she trailed off once again, taking note of my injuries. "I don't think I'll be walking for a while," I said nonchalantly. "But don't worry" I tried to sugarcoat it "I'll soon be back on my hooves" something was off; Zecora knew I was lying, but she played along for Fluttershys sake. "Im afraid that our friend needs his rest, but soon he will be back to his best" I mouthed the words 'thank you' to Zecora who glared at me as Fluttershy left. "I have never met a pony such as you, if you want my help you'll cooperate too" Zecora spoke in her usual riddles and rhymes "fine, what do you want to know?"

"The ingredients to that cocktail is needed, simply because pinkie pie pleaded" Zecora smiled "which one?" I asked, watching as Zecora held up a piece of paper in front of me. "Oh that's okay, you can keep a copy too" she stared to dab some form of herbal paste onto my wounds. "It's- ow- an old recipe from where im from, -narg" she giggled for a moment before pulling a scale out from my back, I tried my best not to scream "it contains PIIIIIIINEapple! *ahem* pineapple juice, rum, Blue carucao which I was lucky to find, and cream of coconut" after that was scale was out, I felt the pain being relieved; as the bandages were applied I looked at her. "Thank you Zecora" I attempted to stand. But failed… miserably. "Looks like you're stuck with me"

It was pretty quiet at night, the moonlight flowing into the hut. The wind blowing ever so gently. You could hear the rustling of the leaves as they danced in the night, the stars dotting the sky ever so brightly.

I couldn't sleep, so I just stared out of the window for what seemed like an eternity. The sunrise was slowly coming; the death of the night would be upon me. Letting out a sigh, I laid back down on the bed, glancing over to Zecora, who was sound asleep.

I attempted to walk that morning, noting that I was still a bit wobbly. I left a note saying thank you, leaving her a recipe for the enigma, another party favorite. I walked out to find a perfectly shaped branch to use as a walking stick. Dragging my self along, the severity of the damage caused by the dragon had settled in. the ponies were giving me a look, a look which was hard to describe.

A look I was used to. Twilight came running up to me "you've been summoned by the princesses" she stated, my eyes widened. "What day?" I enquired, not realizing the golden glint in the air "today" I watched as a golden chariot landed in front of us.

I hoped that this was a simple meet and greet, but I knew I was bucking the wrong tree. Two ponies clamped cuffs onto me "you are under arrest" they stated.

"For what? Protecting the town?" they looked at each other with raised eyebrows.

"Just take me to the damn royalty for buck sakes" I said with the element of stress.

I sat on my flank, and zoned out on my way to canterlot. Another flash of memory had begun.

It was her.


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: bail out

It all seems so clearer looking back on it.

The memory, I mean. She was always smiling; the radiance of her beauty was just one of the things which made me fall, and her bubbly personality hidden behind a mask of shyness added to the reasons. I could go on. However, this was a specific day in my memory. It was the day she had died. It was three days after the loss of my job as a sales representative for a company I can't mention, legal reasons. I could tell she was upset, but she carried on smiling. But then she got sick, I had never felt so powerless, it was as though I was weighed down by the very earth itself, and the doctors tried everything. But in the end, they could only make her comfortable. I felt so angry at the world, so angry in fact that I attacked one of the doctors. It didn't really help my situation. I could see her lying there, she continued to smile. She beckoned me closer.

She slapped me, "promise me you won't do that again," she said sternly "it's my time, and I don't what your last memory of me to be one of pain" she then kissed me.

I looked at her, on the verge of tears, she smiled as she drifted off, leaving me alone in the world. "I promise" I whispered ever so quietly, watching as the nurses started to do their jobs. The rest of that month was mostly a blur. Her family blamed me for her death, her father tried to kill me. I understood why though, her family always hated me because I was a musician at heart, with no real stable income until that sales job.

The flashes had stopped as I was flung into a dungeon cell.

My head spun for a moment to get a good idea of what I would be calling my new home for a while, taking note of the searing pain on my body flaring up again. I took a deep breath "excuse me but, I need a-" I was interrupted by a rather grumpy guard.

"Shut up, criminal" was a response I had hoped I wouldn't hear.

"That's enough," a new feminine voice came onto the scene.

"Leave us" the voice ordered the guard away.

I looked down, not wanting to meet the gaze of this voice. "b-but Princess!"

"NOW!" the princess ordered. The guard marched out.

"You must be Trigger Cocktail" the towering white alicorn said with a smile.

I tried my best not to show fear "it's an honor your highness, may I ask," she nodded as I finished my sentence "has this something to do with the dragon?"

"I'm sorry but yes, it seems that the dragon in question was hassled previously by a certain rainbow maned mare"

"So I made a situation worse" I looked down

"I'm sorry Princess, but I just wished we could have met under more… desirable circumstances" she looked at me for a moment, scanning my very being.

"What are you?" she asked with a hint of fear.

"That is a good question, Tia" a new voice came from behind the white alicorn, standing beside her. "I don't want any more trouble" I pleaded. But the duo refused to budge from their inquisitive state. "I'll tell you everything"

Thus, I did, watching their facial expressions slowly change during the explanation. "…so all in all, im a human trapped in a pony body, I'd prefer to stay that way too… if its okay with you" I spared them the flashes of memories I had gotten, it was something I had to deal with on my own.

I watched as Celestia unlocked the door, exchanging a look with her sister. "my name is-" she watched my face light up.

"Luna?" suddenly without thinking, I jumped up and hugged her.

"You're responsible for those beautiful nights I've grown accustomed to in Ponyville"

I continued with a grin on my face. Celestia watched as Luna blushed with a smile "I didn't think any pony enjoyed the night so much" she looked down to the floor.

"You'd be surprised"

"I was" she said with a smile. As we walked along the dungeon I had taken note that not many ponies were even down here. I watched as a ball of fire flew in through the courtyard and materialized into a scroll of some sort. "Oh my, it seems the ponies of Ponyville are quite worried about you," Celestia spoke with a motherly tone.

"Well then I'd better head there now," I smiled sheepishly "I don't want to keep them worried, but…" the princess noticed the bloodied bandages. Before I could say a word, her horn glowed. I was enveloped by a bright light and pain was gone.

I hugged her in thanks. Looking around, I had noticed Luna smiling at me "so Luna how have you been? Sorry if you were expecting letters" I ran a hoof through my mane nervously "it quite alright, what with the dragon attack and all…"

She looked at me with a glint of worry in her eyes "just promise me you wont do it again" she said, putting a hoof on my shoulder. "I promise, you know, you remind me of a mare I once knew" smiling as I walked out.

I decided it best to hop onto a train back to ponyville. I fell asleep on the train, Luna's last words to me echoing in my mind.

Another flash, it was the day I lost my job.

I walked through the offices to see that nobody could look me in the eye, I sat down at my desk and powered up the computer. "Excuse me, Mr Wagner wants to see you in his office" I smiled, not knowing what was exactly going to happen. I stood outside my boss's office. Knocking on the door before entering "you wanted to see me?" I enquired. "Yes," a low voice uttered "it's come to my attention that the work you've been doing isn't up to standards recently" he continued.

"I can explain… my girlfriend ha-" I protested, but was interrupted.

"It has been decided that we have to let you go" I looked at him in disbelief, then I snapped.

"You bastard, we need that money, the missus is sick…very sick…"

Security had to escort me out because of my angry protests.

There wasn't much I could do at this point. I could just hope.

The train had stopped, as did the flash.

Looking around, I spotted a large gathering of ponies in the middle of town.

I joined the crowd, taking little to no notice of the whispers and rumors. Watching has the mayor talk about the dragon attack, she called my name.

I froze.

I felt the warm glow of magic surround me, to lift me up to the stage.

Confused, I felt a hoof on my shoulder… they were giving me a hero's welcome.

"Would you like to say a few words?" the mayor asked, I nodded.

"I was never good at speeches, hell this is the first one," I chuckled a bit "I know you think I'm some kind of hero, but I sure don't feel like one" I thanked the crowd of ponies, noticing the pink mane hiding behind a hay bale. After the crowd had dissipated, I walked down to the farm. I was soon pounced on by Applejack. "Ah thought I'd see you again sugarcube" she smiled. After the tumble she let me stand up, "I smell a party brewing" I chuckled, not long before Pinkie pie suddenly appeared seemingly out of nowhere.


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: the precipice

Somehow pinkie pie always knew how to throw a good party. The pink puffball of energy would happily bounce around to the music without a care in the world. The sight of an injured Fluttershy was still weighing heavily on my heart. I felt responsible. I took a step outside to clear my thoughts. Looking up to the night sky which was always going to this perfect what ever the day, I took a deep breath. Everything seemed to slow down, as though time were almost standing still. Looking around I could see the faintest of movements, the whispers in the wind drifted through the air. Thinking back on the past events, I realized that things aren't so bad… in contrast. I looked back inside, everyone was having fun. I simply sat down on a seat inside and smiled. I was content knowing that nobody had died that day.

I felt feathers brush against me.

"I don't know what to say," she said to me. I could see Fluttershy was more worried about me than she would let on "when I watched you…snap like that, you became a different pony" I could see the tears brimming in her eyes.

"Fluttershy, I'm sorry you had to witness that," I brought a hoof up to her chin, lifting her face up to meet mine, "I've already lost someone once, I didn't want to lose anyone else" a lonely tear had run down my cheek. I felt eyes watching me. My voice started to waver a bit. I started to choke on my words. "Can we talk…all of us… after the party?" I asked her. I watched as she wiped away the tears while nodding, Bringing her into an embrace, surprising her. An audible squeak could be heard.

With in a few hours, everyone else had gone home, it was just me and the six elements. "What's this about Trigger?" Twilight asked, she watched as I bowed my head in shame. The girls were exchanging worried glances. "Its time I told you…well...everything"

Outside you could hear the pitter-patter of the raindrops on the cobbled paths, the moisture in the air making the world colder. I stood in the open door way with my back to them. Telling them the story of my sad life, tears finally flowing from my eyes, I turned to them so they could see… to see the truth.

My own personal truth derived from the hell of the flashes.

The truth that I was lying to them from the start…

The truth that I was just as scared as they are now…

The truth that I originally hoped that the dragon would kill me…

The voices in my head had finally been silenced. I felt sets of hooves on me, but not what I expected. "Just let it out, dude…" Rainbow said solemnly.

The bitter sting of tears… I hadn't felt them since she died.

I felt my fur dampen with every tear. I couldn't help but see the others felt it too.

All the pain I had undergone, the suicide attempts, the loss of loved ones. The pain had gotten too much for me; the flashes had finally made sense.

The flashes might have been a failsafe, to stop me from doing more damage to myself by bottling things up. I took a look around the room. "Guys, where's Fluttershy" I asked, worried that she had ran off upset by the tale. I poked my head out of the door.

Thunder and lighting shot across the sky. "Im going to find her" the tears had stopped, replaced by a look of worry. "What are you, nuts?" Pinkie Pie shouted, "You'll catch a cold! Maybe even some lightning!" she exclaimed

Rarity, being the insightful one when it came to romance, watched me take off.

She finally pieced the puzzle together. "Pinkie Pie, He's not nuts"

"He's in…"

Love


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: the facts

"Love? That explains a lot" rainbow dash stated, watching as I disappeared into the horizon. The bouncing pink pony was no longer bouncing; instead she was sitting down and thinking intently. Just before Pinkie could get a sentence out of her head Applejack spoke "Pinkie Pie, now is not the time to plan another on of them crazy parties" the pony was right, everyone could see that. The pink pony looked down, and strangely had a moment of insight "well then, why not simply get them together?"

The remaining 4 elements felt their collective jaw drop. Rarity was the first to pitch in with the ideas she had floating around in that fashionista mind of hers. "All things considered, rarity, I don't think we should push Fluttershy into this" twilight frowned

"But think of the possibilities, Trigger is reaching out to her" rarity argued

"Twilight's right, sugar-cube… its best if we just let time go by and see what happens" applejack had put her hoof down.

Pinkie pie, being pinkie pie, popped up right beside Rarity, putting a hoof in her mouth to stop the white furred unicorn from voicing more of her opinions "as much as I like to see you have your *ahem* lovers quarrel," rainbow chuckled "aren't their more things to worry about than Fluttershy's love life? Like getting to the library?"

The rest of the ponies shot her a glancing look; they knew she was right as the plan was to stay at twilights for the night.

The thoughts running through their heads were exceeding difficult to tell.

Rarity was jealous of Fluttershy for she had someone watching out for her.

Rainbow was just glum because the hard rain was keeping her grounded.

Pinkie Pie was thinking of new ways to host parties.

Applejack was questioning everything she knew about herself.

Something which rainbow dash had said earlier was bothering the young apple farmer. Did she and rarity really seem like lovers? She shook off the thought. All though she could see why the idea formed in rainbow's head.

They carried on along the cobbled path, finally reaching the library. They heard me holler at them, the 5 mares waved happily, although a tad drenched.

* * *

><p>SHORT CHAPTER<p>

Reason being was I really didn't know how well it would go.

And plus I've run into a bad economic situation, ran out of money :L


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: the truth

The rain was beating the ground like a drum. I was soon walking through the area when the attack happened.

There were still some blood stains on the ground, slowly being washed away by the rain, the moisture in the air perforating my nostrils. I started to run.

Just what was she thinking, its colder than it was a few days ago, and the rain is making me shiver. To make matters worse, my coat has been lost to that fucking dragon…scratch that, she's more important.

My legs were burning from all the running I had been doing, I felt the need to stop.

Looking around I could make out the outline of buildings. Taking a deep breath I cursed at myself for not noticing her leaving beforehand. The fresh air had begun to seep through; the tears on my face were enveloped in the pouring rain.

In hindsight, I should have expected this to happen. I felt freed, like I could take on anything.

I could hear the faint sounds of sobbing. I could see in the distance the silhouette of a Pegasus pony make its way across a bridge. The silhouette had slowed down gradually, getting shelter from a nearby tree.

"You shouldn't do that, ya know" I said with a smile, making the silhouette squeak in fear. "Why did you look for me," Fluttershy whimpered "all I've ever done bring up painful memories for you" she looked up at me, her eyes were bloodshot, tears still running down her cheeks.

I pulled her closer to me, thoughts running through my head. "No, I brought it upon myself, if anything… I should be apologizing for not telling you sooner" I beckoned her to follow me, noticing she had my coat tucked under her wings. "Hang on, you look cold" I took the coat and draped it over her with a smile. "You want to know why I followed you," she looked up at me, my eyes met hers, "Its 2 in the morning, pissing it down with rain, and I wanted to tell you…" I closed my eyes swearing under my breath.

Suddenly I felt a pair of forearms wrap around my neck, our lips met, the feeling of euphoria flowed into me like nobodies business. We were locked in a loving embrace for a minute, "I… I've wanted to do that for quite a while" she stammered, a blush creeping across her smiling face. We decided it would be best to walk back, to show the others that she was safe.

We spotted the others walking into the library, I hollered at them, grinning away with a blush on my face as we ran up to them. I watched the rest hug Fluttershy, checking to see if she was okay. "Ya know, Trigger? She's really lucky," twilight stood beside me, with a small smile on her face, I could tell she was tired. "She told me that ever since you walked her home, she's been developing feelings for you" I glanced at her for a moment, I sighed. "Ya think?" I told her that she came out of her shell earlier and did something unexpected.

Twilight could still see the barely visible blush on my dark fur. I heard the collective 'you did what?' from the other 4 who were sitting with Fluttershy. I simply walked up and pecked her on the cheek. I could see their jaws dropping by the sight. "Fluttershy, I think we broke them" I chuckled.

My life had changed. The hole in my heart had been filled once again with love.

I was finally at peace.


End file.
